Features you’ll never see in Football Manager

One thing we’ll definitely not see in Football Manager is the addition of Streakers. Not only would it be pointless but only Hentai fans would get excited at the prospect of computer generated boobs! Whilst not a regular occurrence every weekend the fact that most streakers are overweight, middle aged men would quite frankly scare most young children that play Football Manager.

An old feature that used to be in the game was complaining about the referee. From what I remember there’s an agreement in place between the Professional Game Match Officials and Sports Interactive that means we can play with proper referees in the game on the condition we can’t complain about them. Now if Referees and their assistants were given the tools to do a half decent job week in, week out we wouldn’t moan at them every weekend and then the Professional Game Match Officials wouldn’t need to run scared from a computer game.

Thanks to rival studios having exclusive licenses we won’t be seeing the J-League anytime soon in Football Manager. Whilst I agree with the concept of having licensed content I hate exclusive licenses.  Surely someone must have realised now that restricting licensed content to a console game when you could license it to games which are played  predominately on a PC can exist together? For this reason as well don’t expect to be able to have the German National Team playable soon either.

Due to the world we live in today, don’t expect failed drugs tests or the return of potentially life threatening injuries to the Football Manager series. Because people take how they can be perceived too seriously these days and will threaten to sue anyone that paints them in a negative light, Sports Interactive won’t be adding these to the game in the future. It really does annoy me that people can’t get to grips that whilst Football Manager may be based on reality it isn’t! The fact that with time, dedication and some serious cheating you can make Accrington Stanley champions of the Premiership. Drugs tests and the bans that follow are a reality of football (Armstrong, Bowyer, Pagotto, Ferdinand, Mutu & Kenny being case in point). If a virtual Lionel Messi fails a drugs test and is banned in game then so be it – it’s a game for christs sake!

Another thing which reflects badly on those involved and is another contentious point is Hooliganism. Although not as prevalent as it once was it’s still around not only in England but also in other countries. I can’t see clubs allowing their image and name being used in game only for a 3D replication of 1,000 fans invading the pitch and ripping out seats. Whilst it would be great to see your finances suffer from the ensuing repairs and fines and having to play behind closed doors, I don’t think SI/Sega would be so happy to see their finances suffer when the legal action starts!

The other things that always get mentioned that people would like to see are becoming a Director of Football or starting off as an assistant manager. Whilst I can understand the reasoning behind it for the most part it would be like being an international manager. You only concentrate on doing some of the job some of the time. Surely that’s taking the fun out of the game?

Other ‘shouts’ for features to be included are becoming chairman, Wags, buying a house, setting the ticket price, selling concessions in the stadium. If some can explain fully when any of the following have been part of Football Manager’s job then I’ll accept they are valid additions to the game. To me they are pointless side shows designed to keep occupied when the rest of the game is shit.

If you can think of anything which I haven’t mentioned then feel free to comment below